WIRE ROOM
▸ President declares national emergency over missing TV remote, deploys National Guard
▸ President unveils bold new economic plan, later revealed to be napkin
▸ President spends 45 minutes of press conference describing a dream he had about a staircase
▸ President announces he has “never felt better,” immediately requires assistance standing up
▸ President’s $16 million reflecting pool fix somehow still doesn’t reflect well on anyone
▸ President declares national emergency over missing TV remote, deploys National Guard
▸ President unveils bold new economic plan, later revealed to be napkin
▸ President spends 45 minutes of press conference describing a dream he had about a staircase
▸ President announces he has “never felt better,” immediately requires assistance standing up
▸ President’s $16 million reflecting pool fix somehow still doesn’t reflect well on anyone